My Search for Healing
My journey started at 16 years old.
I was raised in a culture where people did not speak of any pain unless it was physical. My parents did not talk about emotions. In fact, it was not welcomed for us to express ourselves freely. This was not because my parents were horrible people, but because it was considered inappropriate and looked down upon to emote feelings, of any kind.
I remember that even when I would be upset, my mom would say “shush I don’t want to hear your voice”, meaning you can deal with this, there is no need to be upset.
Fast forward to me at 16. I remember feeling very down. I even thought I was dying because I could not understand such a dark heavy feeling. We had no clue what was going on with me. My mom, terrified, took me to the doctor and was told I was depressed and needed to talk to a counsellor. My mom completely ignored that diagnosis, brought me home and went back to normal life.
At that point, I continued to numb, suppress and pretend.
At 18, I started having really bad stomach pains. This time, the doctor had a diagnosis, it was a parasite. He gave me a treatment and the pain was temporarily removed.
It wasn’t long before the pains started coming back. I went to doctors, specialists, and no one could find the cause of my pain. They diagnosed it as “IBS.” They basically said there was not much I can do but live with the pain.
Over the years this pain got so bad, that at times I would be at the ER barely walking, and only a shot of morphine was able to completely numb the pain. It was horrible and it became my “normal.” I started avoiding all kinds of foods, being scared to eat, being scared of pain. It truly was depressing.
Then, one weekend at 25, almost 10 years later, I took a personal development course, where for the first time I was able to look at parts of my life that caused me a lot of pain – the same pain that I had never processed. For the first time, I spoke of these things and shared them out loud. I remember feeling different, free, but scared at the same time. This was so different for me. It didn’t feel fully safe.
The pain was still here.
A couple years later, I remember one day, randomly meeting an incredible energy healer. I had no idea what that even meant but she somehow picked up on my stomach pain and said she could help me. With no hesitation I booked an appointment and within days I was having a session with her. During those 2 hours on her table as she was working her magic, I remember bawling like a little girl, non-stop, not even understanding why. I kept releasing and releasing more and more of these pent-up feelings. She helped me see all the memories, pain, traumas my body was carrying for so long. I remember feeling relieved. It felt like I could breathe for the first time in a long time.
My stomach started getting better. I was so happy and grateful. I continued seeing her for a bit and feeling better and better.
At 29, I was going through a dark time, at the time I did not understand what was happening. I ended up leaving all that I knew, husband, career, friends and started a new life. I ignored the darkness, as well as the inner pain, and numbed in many unhealthy ways, until it hit me again and this time it hit me hard.
With the energy healer, we had opened a door, and there was a lot to more work to do with my pain, but I stopped and I numbed. My body, mind and soul were hurting. I was in pain physically, depressed and spiritually lost.
I started counselling where I released A LOT. I had a safe space where I was heard, seen and validated. Something I didn’t have before. Not in that way. I did some somatic work, where I allowed my body to release pain and trauma. I did acupuncture, I saw a naturopath, I even did a few plant medicine ceremonies, and much more over the last 7 years.
Each of these modalities allowed for me to go a bit deeper, to peal one more layer of the onion. And I was only able to use these modalities when I was ready for them. Each allowed me to heal naturally and at my own pace. Had I not started counselling, I am not sure I would have been as open to breathwork therapy or plant medicine work! In my experience, each modality prepared me for the next.
Today I have made peace with so many parts of my past. I don’t have these pains anymore. That said, when I do suppress emotions, my stomach will remind me. It will get tight and I know right away to check in and work through what is coming up for me, rather than ignoring it.
I hated my body for being in so much pain for so long, but little did I know it was helping me be free. It was communicating with me. I just wasn’t paying attention for so long. I had no idea.
Thanks to my journey, I changed careers and became a counsellor. Today it is one of my favourite things to do; to be a guide to others’ healing journey. As I support them, I can see how different each person is, and how we each respond to very different messages, deliveries and modalities. Some people do better with acupuncture than counselling, or some need acupuncture to open up a few things and then become ready for counseliing. Everyone is completely unique in what they are going through, and what works best for their healing.
This awareness is one of the reasons I was inspired to create One Stop Therapy. I really wanted people to have access to an abundance of amazing modalities that exist. During my own journey, I had no idea of the different resources that were out there. I was blessed that my community was able to refer these practitioners.
On One Stop Therapy, we have a clear description of the different modalities available as well as lists of practitioners you can connect with and I really hope you can find wonderful resources for your healing journey and live a life free of pain!